Things that my latent Catholicism has ruined for me

  • Red wine
  • Organ music
  • Sexual pleasure
  • Fondue
  • Non-theological interpretations of the first season of Daredevil
  • Italian culture
  • The colour gold
  • Gothic architecture
  • Nuns
  • 80% of Hozier lyrics
  • Paul Bettany

(N.B. I am not a practising Catholic, but as any Catholic knows, this doesn’t matter. If you’re Catholic you STAY THAT WAY, until you DIE like a FILTHY SINNER. Guilt consumes your every waking moment. I have never once felt pleasure without secretly wanting to sit in a dark room and chant myself into forgiveness. I’m off to do my Hail Marys now.)

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